A month?

Remember when I said 9 weeks?  How about 4.5 weeks? 

I'm finding that I'm becoming less fearful, and more anxious, however.  Until the first real contraction I feel, I'm sure.  Then I will be all fear again.  But right now, I'm feeling ready.  Not just because I can't sleep anyways.  Because I just want to do this.  Sometimes I feel like I should step back for a second and really take in these last few weeks of the life that Ryan and I have grown so accustomed to, because it will never be like this again.  But I can't even do it whole-heartedly, because I'm so distracted by everything.  Also, I think that part of it makes me a little sad, even though I know it's for a greater good.  And I don't need yet another thing to make me unnecessarily sad.  

My baby shower happened this past weekend.  I am so grateful to my friends and family for their generosity.  We got so much amazing stuff.  There is so incredibly much LESS that we have to find the money to buy ourselves now, and that is a huge relief.  I'm having so much fun sorting through everything and getting it organized for when Ada arrives.  It's still hard to believe, looking at some of these ridiculously adorable tiny outfits, that there is going to be an actual baby in them in a few weeks.  MY baby!  It's one of those things that I know, but can't quite grasp.  It's hard to imagine.  I've seen her perfect little face in a perfect little 3D picture, but I still can't imagine her, somehow.  

My baby shower was nice because I got to spend some time with my Kentucky family again - I've been missing them so much since our visit right before Christmas.  And I got to see a very good friend whom I haven't seen in a long time.  We had a wonderful time catching up, and it was like we never missed a day.  I'm grateful for friends like that.  You come to find how rare they actually are.  But I am lucky enough to have found more than one.  And then there are the ones you realize that you are just never going to be able to have a relationship with again.  There were two people this weekend I sadly realized it's just never going to work with.  When you can't even put yourself aside for a few hours to celebrate such an enormous occurrence in my life, I know that there's nothing else to say.  And I wish that there weren't those couple of things to spoil an otherwise amazing weekend, but it's just life.  I'd prefer to focus on the good parts of the weekend, which were plentiful.


I'm off to the doctor's this morning, and thus will begin weekly visits for me.  I know this little girl needs another week and a half before she would be deemed okay to greet the world, and I can certainly wait it out for her.  But I have to say, I kind of wish that as soon as I hit that 37 week mark, things start happening to get this process going.  I'm growing more anxious as the days go by!  Also, I want to know an estimate of how big she is, because I'm kind of starting to obsess about it.  Surprise!