Tuesday, June 3, 2014

2014

When I woke up at 5:30 this morning I heard birds chirping already. It made me mad. My immediate and very first thought of the day was,  "Why are they chirping? Don't they know?"  Of course they don't know.

The birds don't know that I started 2014 with a surprise and unwanted pregnancy. Or that a month later when I was finally getting used to the idea, my ultrasound showed no flicker of a heartbeat and I had to have a doctor scrape out the embryo my body was too stupid to recognize had died.

The birds don't know my favorite Great Aunt was just two months ago put away in a nursing home for the rest of her life with Alzheimers so bad she doesn't know who is alive or dead anymore.

The birds don't know my dad was just yesterday diagnosed with cancer and that I think I might suffocate to death just thinking that I might lose him already.

No, they don't know. They don't know it's 2014 and they don't know how much their eagerness to greet the day makes me baffled and bitter. They don't know I'm jealous of them for their wings.

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